I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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