Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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