She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
