just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
