I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
