Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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