People with herpes should wear stickers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
