considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
