So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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