It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
