So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
