It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
