I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
