I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
