distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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