my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
