She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
