I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
