Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
