i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
