i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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