I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
