Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
