Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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