"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
