you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
