I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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