well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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