Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
