look no pants
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
