I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
