I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
