So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
