i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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