and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize