remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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