She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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