Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
