K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
