My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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