So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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