the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize