You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
