i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
