I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize