i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
