"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
