no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
