If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
