I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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