Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
