there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
