paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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