So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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