in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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