I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
