I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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