His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
