Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
