My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
