Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
