I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
