This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
