Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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