Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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