Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
