she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
