So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
