im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
