The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
